..But ‘so called’ kind words & seemingly thoughtful comments based on my body may ACTUALLY hurt me.’
This is post number 1 of 2, on moving away from basing comments & praise on a persons body/weight/appearance alone. She’s fairly girthy so strap yourself in.
Micro-aggressions are small, everyday comments that communicate a point of view in a negative manner. They’re often throwaway and not meant with nasty intent. However the consequences can leave someone feeling hurt, ashamed or lead to destructive thoughts.
These words sting 🐝💥
Like a b***h…
Once said, it takes ALOT for someone to forget.
For example ⬇️
▶ To a female/person who lifts weights: ‘won’t lifting those heavyweights, make you bulk up?”
▶To a new mum who’s working hard to get back to exercise whilst balancing total life change: “Don’t worry, you’ll get that pre-baby body back in no time!!”
▶ To someone who’s in a smaller body/very slim: “Wow. You’re so skinny, I wish I looked like you, I bet you can eat whatever you want!”
▶ To someone struggling with food & their relationship with their body: “Maybe if you didn’t obsess over food so much….you’d have more fun”.
▶ To a person in a larger body: “You’d look so good & healthy if you lost a couple of KGs.”
▶ To anybody on some sort of fitness journey: “You look LOADS better now you’ve lost/gained weight!”
So what can we do?
1️⃣ start by shifting focus away from a persons weight/body/looks when it comes to giving a compliment. You probably mean well, but how that person interprets it may be very different to what you intended.
2️⃣ if you’re trying to give advice or comment on the way someone is doing something. Pause. Do you know what you’re saying is accurate/correct/fact? If not, maybe avoid it.
3️⃣ try giving praise or positive feedback around someone’s professional skills, performance, personality etc.
4️⃣ don’t comment on what/how people are eating (unless you know for a fact you have that sort of relationship with them where it’s accepted, both parties do it & received well) 5️⃣ try not to project your own biases or opinions onto a person. For example, commenting that someone would be more attractive to the opposite sex if they ‘just did this’ OR ‘didn’t have muscle’. That’s not fact & nor is it helpful.
6️⃣ finally; if you’re feeling concerned about a friend or think their well-being & health is at risk reach out to a professional in that field who can help them. Rather than risk an awkward, hurtful & potentially even more detrimental conversation. If you really mean well, find the help that is best for them.
Stay tuned for next weeks post (Part 2) on how to deal with, respond to & recover from these comments yourself.
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